Coming back to my dorm room to find a guy pissing on the floor
It was late, 2 in the morning. I crept up to the door, the flashlight on my phone already on. I was conscious of my other dormmates, and I knew one guy was already in the room, put to bed at 10pm by his two friends for being too drunk.
I opened the door, and as the light from my phone spread across the room casting long black shadows, there was a spectral figure standing in the middle of the room, rooted to the spot.
As I lifted my flashlight, he turned his head, looked over his shoulder, and our eyes met; they were gormless, dead, devoid of emotion.
“Dude, are you okay?” I quietly asked.
No response, and he looked away, almost defiantly.
To check he was alright, I had to walk around him.
Standing in front of him, I once again looked into those eyes, and I could tell they were gone; he didn’t know who I was or what he was doing. I would even go as far to say he was at a point where he didn’t know who he was anymore.
Laying a gentle hand on his shoulder, I asked again: “Seriously, are you okay? Whatsup?”
Dismissively, he stepped back from me, and as he did I saw his trousers were undone, his shirt was untucked, a mess.
As I looked down to the floor, the light from my phone reflected off the surface of water, and I could tell we were both standing in a puddle of piss. He could not.
“Ahhh shit.” I knew what I had to do and I was not happy about it.
I roughly shoved the guilty offender into the bathroom and left him there, out of sight, hoping he wouldn’t do it again.
As I stood watching the puddle of piss pool upon the floor, I knew I had to clean it up. It was at that exact moment an American girl came back to the dorm room.
“Watch out, some guy’s just pissed the floor,” I warned.
“Ahhh shit,” she replied.
For whatever reason, perhaps the fact that I wasn’t really doing much at that point other than using every single obscenity I knew on the bastard who put me in this situation, she decided to help me clean it up.
Using the hostel towels of his and his friends, we started to mop it all up, but we soon ran into a problem; there was just too much piss. It was as it this guy was on a one man mission to create an Olympic sized swimming pool in the dorm room with just one hose.
Looking around, I saw the guy’s giant towel lying on his bed. A brand new towel, obviously bought as a memento of his time in Montenegro. Now, I have the feeling it brings completely different memories to him.
“We can’t use that! That’s his own personal towel!”
“Fuck that! Fuck him! We’re cleaning up his piss! He should be grateful we’re doing anything at all!” I exclaimed back.
After we finished cleaning up, we put him to bed safe in the knowledge he didn’t have a single drop of water left in him to repeat the foul act, and after we watched him pass out again, it was time to go to bed ourselves.
His friends were nowhere to be seen, completely oblivious to what happened until the next morning. At least they were slightly apologetic; they guy himself? He was having a beer by midday, trying to deny anything happened at all. There are words for guys like him – I’ll let you choose any one of them.
It was the first, and I hope only time, that I have come back to my dorm room to find a guy pissing on the floor. Next time, I’m not so sure I’ll clean it up so readily.